The Way

Remember the song The Way by Fastball?  It is the story of parents who get up one morning and walk out on their children.

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going Without ever knowing the way?

That song has been resonating with me lately.  I’m at a cross roads between doing what feels practical and productive and what feels foolhardy and lackadaisical.

HANG ON, dang nab bit! Put down the phone, I am single with no kids. There is no need to call child services. And yes, the dogs are coming with so stop dialling the humane society, will ya!

I am vacillating between starting my own communications firm,  Shout! Communications Inc, a career at which I am very confident I will excel; and returning to northern Ontario to do a five month college degree in….what for it…pottery.

On the one hand, dropping everything to do a pottery degree sounds rather decadent, dreamy and dopey. On the other hand, I really want to!!! I know, I sound like a 13-year-old.

But you see, I’ve always done the right thing and have always been very practical. I got a degree in English writing and a graduate diploma in journalism, two very practical degrees.  In the early days of my career, I worked six or seven days a week. (I did an early morning shift 4:30 a.m. in radio and on the weekends worked at the Weather Network. Just thinking back makes me tired.)  One time, I left one job on a Friday and started a new job the following Monday. I’ve been a good little soldier earning my living, paying my taxes.  Benjamin Franklin would be proud. However, having been laid off and the recipient of a very generous severance package, I have an opportunity, for the first time, to kick off my work boots and play for a while.

Slacker! Ops, sorry, the little voice in my head jumped out on to the written page.

A classic right brain, left brain dilemma

A popular theory in psychology is the right brain is best at creative tasks while the left brain is best at critical thinking and logic. The sides of my brain are locked in an ultimate cage fight (or should I say an ultimate cranial fight, ha, ha.)

One minute I am packing my bags and surfing the web looking for an apartment near the college; the next I’m admonishing myself for being self-indulgent.

Definition of SELF-INDULGENCE 

: excessive or unrestrained gratification of one’s own appetites, desires, or whims

— self–in·dul·gent  adjective

— self–in·dul·gent·ly adverb

I’ve also bored my friends to tears with my bleating.  Some friends have said with incredulity : “A degree in pottery, what are you going to do with that?” Others have said, simply, succinctly, “Go for it!” Some have said both!

Yet, I dither. Truthfully, I feel a little let down. After all, hasn’t Oprah promised us all an AHA moment?  I’ve been waiting for my AHA…but nothing, nada, zilch, zero. No sudden flash of enlightenment, no choir of angels pointing the way. Grumble.

However, today I’ve been thinking.  Maybe scooping up the dogs, grabbing my tooth-brush, jumping in the car and heading north is a bit foolhardy. Perhaps, the idea of a degree in pottery is just my soul, spirit, right brain – whatever you want to call “it” – reminding me not to neglect the creative side of my life in favour of the productive side. Reminding me not to get so wound up, bound up in work, work, work that I don’t take time for things like pottery and stained glass and whatever other outlet I want to dabble in!

Maybe there is a compromise between work and play. Could I not launch a fabulously successful communications firm, while also taking the time to pursue my artistic side? After all, this blog is entitle Reinvent Me! Maybe the new me won’t be all about work and no play but the new me will be work hard, play hard.

I mulled my profound idea. (Ok, maybe profound is a bit strong…my reflective idea? Ok, my idea.) I came up with a solution. The new life I am creating doesn’t have to be all about putting my nose to the grind stone, it doesn’t have to be about working a 60 or 70 hour work week.  I am reinventing myself. So, why not work a little less and play a little more?

I have reached a negotiated settlement between my right and left brain.

I have signed up for not one but two pottery classes close to home and during the day.  I emphasize during the day because I have tended to relegate the creative parts of my life to my spare time and my spare time is usually after work when I am completely knackered and just want to curl up on the couch with the remote and a glass of wine.

My pottery classes are smack dab in the middle of the ‘work’ day. For a change, I’m according work and play equal merit. I believe this better balance will allow me to be an even better president of Shout! Communications because I will be more jazzed about life.   That’s my theory anyway and we’ll have to wait and see.

Oh, apologizes to Oprah because I did have my AHA moment. A choir of angels pointing the way would have been a bit much.

QUESTION:  Have you ever struggled with a decision and suddenly had your own AHA moment? Tell me about how you reached your decision and if it all worked out in the end.

Play is for adults too

Play is for adults too

Next week I am off to camp, pottery camp. For an entire week, I’ll be elbow deep in clay. No, I am not a fanatic of the movie Ghost. I enjoy being crafty. I’m not very good, but it is fun nonetheless. For me, it’s a form of play.

In today’s go, go, go society very few adults take time to simply play. Some of you might be thinking, “Playing is for kids, I have too much to do. Soccer practice, cleaning, cooking, errands, work, the spouse, the dog, the garden…”  On and on goes the to do list.

Well, you shouldn’t be so fast to dismiss play as childish. At it turns out the proverb all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy is bang on.

According to the National Institute for Play, founded by Winnipeg born Dr. Stuart Brown, a practitioner of general and internal medicine psychiatry and clinical research, play “by its nature it is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.”

Wow! Who knew my puttering around with mud was so therapeutic.

Blowing bubbles, mindless fun (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is play?

Play is anything you do for no particular reason. If the purpose of the activity is more important than the activity then you are not playing. Play includes, among other things, humor, creating, storytelling, games, socializing, roughhousing, flirting and make-believe. Dr. Brown says, “Plenty of play in childhood makes for happy, smart adults — and keeping it up can make us smarter at any age.”

When at play you are in a state of flow. Flow is the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed with a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one is doing. This is sounds glorious. I can attest that when I am creating my crocked, cracked, wobbly clay bowls, I am definitely in a state of flow. Time evaporates, the world around me fades.

Learning about the importance of play from murderers

Dr. Brown’s  came about the notion that playing is good for your mental health in most round about way. He was studying homicidal young men and felony drunk drivers. His clinical research concluded the absence of play in throughout the lives of these men was an important contributing factor to their criminal acts.

The opposite of play is not work…it is depression

My best friend works 50 hours a week.  She has repeatedly told me she needs to find activities that make her happy. When I prod her about what type of activities she would find fun, she stares at me blankly.   It has been so long since she has just played, she can’t even remember what gives her verve.

She’s not the only person who has lost touch with the mindless pursuits that bring joy.  Dr. Brown suggests the prevalence today of depression, stress related disease, interpersonal violence, additions and other health and wellbeing problems in adults can be linked to lack of play.

If you want to goof around and play, but don’t remember how, think back to when you were a kid. What events, activities, toys and moments brought you the greatest joy? You now have a starting place to explore activities that will appeal to your gown up child.

In an article about the benefits of play in the New York Times, David Dobbs writes about the research being done by Elizabeth S. Spelke, Brian Sutton-Smith, Jaak Panksepp and Alison Gopnik. They suggest free, self-directed play in safe environments enhances resilience, creativity, flexibility, social understanding, emotional and cognitive control, and resistance to stress, depression and anxiety.

When I think of summer as a kid I remember doing hand stands and somersaults in the pool not swimming laps. I remember water balloon fights and jumping through the sprinkler not standing stoically watering the garden. I remember cotton candy and candy apples not eating green salads with dressing on the side.

This weekend, give up the notion that play is for kids. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Shake of the shackles and have some fun. Your brain will thank you and so will your inner child.

QUESTION:  WHAT ACTIVITY DO YOU DO JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT?

Watch a Ted Talk by Dr. Brown about the benefits of play.

On becoming a vegetarian

Young adult Thumper thumping his foot from Bambi (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On July 1, I gave up beef, chicken and pork (giving up rabbit and venison was easy since I never had a hankering to eat Bambi or Thumper). Yes, I have become a Birkenstock wearing, make-up free vegetarian. My friends are very happy that I haven’t given up wearing a bra! I am not a hardcore vegan, someone who foregoes milk, eggs, cheese and butter.  I am more the soft-core type  (no, not a reference to my belly), which is technically called a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, which means I still eat dairy and free-range eggs and I might occasionally be tempted by fish. Why would I, at the height of BBQ season, give up hamburgers and steaks?  Firstly, I’d like to lose weight and get healthier. Secondly, I have read a bit about how inhumanly cows, pigs and chickens are often treated and frankly, I no longer want to support the industry. Thirdly, it gets me out of eating mum’s dry roast beef and dad’s charred steaks. Bonus! On the losing weight front, becoming a vegetarian is one more step on a journey that began three months ago.  In May, I started to make incremental changes to my eating habits. My first new habit was to eat a healthy breakfast. Most mornings, I opt for oatmeal with cinnamon and walnuts. In June, I stopped keeping junk food in the house. This doesn’t mean I don’t eat junk food, it just means ice cream, chips, and cookies can’t be chalk-a-block in my pantry. It also means the double stuff Oreos no longer call “LISA!” at all hours of the day and night.  My diet makeover for July is no more meat.  This will obviously force me to eat more fruits, vegs, grains and legumes. I’ll even have to give tofu a whirl. The idea of changing my eating habits at the glacial speed of one tweak a month springs from the book Weight Lose Prescription: a doctors’ plan for permanent weight reduction and better health for life, by Canadian author Ali Zentner, MD (@alizentner).  She is a specialist in internal medicine and obesity and has treated over 5000 morbidly obese patients.  What makes her book most interesting: she is more than a practitioner, she is a self described weight lose survivor. In 2000, she weighed 322 pounds. Her current weight is 148 pounds. Dr. Zentner maintains we are more likely to stick to healthier eating patterns if we introduce them one at a time rather than going cold turkey (mmm…turkey) as most diets dictate. When we a start ______________(insert name of new diet here) we are all in. We purge our house of all ‘bad’ foods, stock our shelves with ‘good’ foods and overnight, BLAM! we start eating a brand new way. At first, we’re pumped and super motivated. The tumbling numbers on the scale give us gusto. However, when we hit a weight lose plateau, it becomes more and more difficult to stick to the diet. We find ourselves slipping back in to our old eating patterns. By slowly, introducing one new eating habit a month, transforming our disordered eating becomes a slow, but doable task. It doesn’t overwhelm us. Dr. Zentner writes, “Much of what I do everyday is try to cement patterns of new behaviour so they stick.” For me, the gradual purging of my poor food choices is working. I have lost 12 pounds in three months. Slow, but steady.  Yes, at times my good intentions have been flushed and my eating has gone haywire. To get back on track, I start over with my oatmeal for breakfast, no junk food in the house and now the new wrinkle no more meat.  This gradual approach has ended my ‘all or nothing’ thinking.   When on a diet, if I cheated, the entire day was a write off and I started eating everything in my path. (The skinny people are thinking, “What the heck? This gal is nuts.”  Those with weight issues are nodding their heads muttering “Yep, I hear ya, girl.”) Dr. Zentner’s writes about establishing a new normal, or rather establishing certain patterns of behaviour that become our new normal.   “Breath. Take one step at a time and establish a new normal. Set small goals or yourself and then get to them. Rejoice in the process that is helping you reset your life.” The final piece of advise in the book is that most people find it easier to lose weight when they are accountable to someone. “A large-scale weight lose trial took participants and randomized them into groups that either had one-on-one monthly contact with a physician or had self-accountability, meaning they just did things on their own. Here’s a shocker the group that checked in with someone regularly lost 20 percent more weight and kept if off for the length of the study compared to the do-it- yourself group. Furthermore, studies show that accountability is more successful when it is accompanied by positive reinforcement and when people feel encouraged by those around them.” So, kind readers, you have all been co-opted to be my cheerleaders.  So, lets hear it: Give me an “L!” Give me and “I!” Give me and “S” and an “A” What does it spell?…ah, you know the rest. I’ll be checking in with you periodically to keep you posted on my journey towards healthier eating. As well, for my dear friends, if you see me tempted by a juicy cheeseburger or chicken stir fry, feel free to tsk, tsk me or slap me across the back of the head.   Your choice.   You can follow me on twitter @lisaadutton QUESTION:  IF YOU HAVE STRUGGLED TO LOSE WEIGHT, WHAT IS YOUR TOP WEIGHT LOSE SECRET?

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

 

A balanced life – unattainable – don’t bother

A physician I use to work with compared a balanced life to a square. Each side of the square represented a critical component of a balanced life: family, work, spirituality and health. Your life was in balance when each side was equal in length thus forming a perfect square. If you spent too much time at work, that side of the square was longer and everything became misaligned. Your life went out of whack or out of balance. I really liked the doctors’s simple analogy.

My layoff has prompted me to look at balance in my life, particularly since the work side of my square was blown to smitherins.   The timing is perfect to rebalance my live and get everything lined up again.

Stunned by what I discovered

I started to do some research about attaining a balanced life. I soon discovered it is all a bunch of bunk, baloney, malarkey, hocus pocus.  Many of us have been tolling under the delusion we were doing something wrong by neglecting say the spiritual part of their lives,  and gees we had better get to church or synagogue of mosque and get that part in balance with the rest. Other people have been beating themselves up for spending too much time at work and thinking they need to cut back in order to focus on the other elements of their lives. Well relax people, there is not such thing as a balanced life.  You can’t line up all the elements and divide them up 25%, 25%, 25%, 25%. Life simply isn’t as neat and tidy as a square.

I was so relieved when I learned this because, I confess, I really didn’t want to go to church.

So, if we aren’t suppose to striving for a balanced life, what are we to aim for? This is the best part. You can aim for what ever you want. Love your job work? Get energized by your work? Then spend more time at your desk.  It’s okay.  Love learning new things. Then spend more time taking classes. Go get an MBA. It’s okay.

The beauty of humanity is we are all different, thus where you want to put your energy, where you find joy is unique to you. You don’t need to feel bad because you’d rather spend time jogging in the park rather than with your friends at the pub. Loving exercise is what makes you, you. And it’s okay.

I came across the Wellness Model called SPICES.  Isn’t that a cool acronym. It stands for: Social, Physicial, Intelectual, Career, Emotional, Spiritual.

What a minute you’re saying, you just said all this balance stuff was a bunch of blather. Well, let me explain. In the Wellness Model, each circle can be whatever size you want.  They don’t all have to be the same size. So, for you to be well, using the SPICES model you the circle representing spirituality might be tiny tiny, but the circle representing intellectual is very large and the circle representing  social is medium sized…and so on. When you have the SPICES added together in the right amounts, then you have achieved WELLNESS.

This removes a lot of pressure, no more struggling to focus equally on all things.  Focus on what brings you joy.

So, how do you know if you have the right dose of spices. Ah! That is, of course, the million dollar question.

Writing in Psychology today, Dorothy Firman, Ed. D. author of the Living a life of purpose says you are unwell if you feel:

• Disconnected
• Restless
• Agitated
• Tired
• Angry
• Sad
• Purposeless
• Disinterested

She goes on to write you are well if you are feeling:

• Aligned
• Energized
• Purposeful
• Engaged
• Content
• Rested
• Peaceful

Alternatively, Marcus  Buckingham writing for Oprah.com suggests asking yourself the following questions to discover if you are well.

1. How often do you get to do things you really like to do?
2. How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?
3. How often do you get so involved in what you’re doing you lose track of time?
4. How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?
5. How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?

If you answered ‘never’ to the questions above then your life is off kilter. It is time to ask yourself some hard questions to figure out what SPICES you need to add to your life. It might not be easy, you might have to make some tough choices, like stopping doing something that really drains you even if others expect you to do it.  In her blog, the Jersey Alliance, Krista Kohlmann, a student affairs professional at Rutgers University introduced me to the Spices Wellness Model. She recommends we all take time to visualize our priorities and then adjust our life accordingly.

It is your life. If your life is bland, then you need to ‘spice it up’ by figuring out what will make you feel energized and engaged.  Only you know what needs to be switched up.  Only you can add the right amount of spices to your life.

QUESTION:  WHAT ACTIVITY ENGAGES YOU AND GIVES YOU ENERGY?

I love doing crafts, I am not very good, but I love doing them. I simply lose track of time when I am trying to create something out of a lump of  clay.  I actually, enjoy writing this blog too. I hope you enjoy reading it.

You can also follow me on Twitter @lisaADutton

Add a dog to the mix!

As I write this blog entry, I am sitting on my front porch with my little 7 lbs. Poodle Beau on my lap and my Yorkie Steffie at my feet.  The pack is together and content. I know, I know one more dog and I officially become the crazy dog lady.

Sharing your life with a pooch or two can be expensive. I recently shelled out $100 to have them groomed, $108 to treat my poodle’s double ear infection, $68 for Steffies ‘ annual exam ad $50 a month for Steffies’ cough medication, not to emotion food and treats. Despite the hefty bills, life would be really lonely without those two fur balls.

This is Beau enjoying a nap. He’s three years old. Afraid of Quebec puppy mills, I bought him from a reputable breeder, Dianna’s Dogs, in Ontario. Steffie is on the right. She’s an 11 year old rescue dog. The best tempered dog you’ll ever meet. I’ve never seen her angry.

Take a dose of dog and call me in the morning

An article on WebMD says pets can lower your blood pressure, ease anxiety, help overcome depression and even help you get a date. (On the date front my dogs have been derelict in the duty. No treaties till they find me a sweety. Ok maybe not).

Dogs with jobs

My two dogs are unemployed like me! But there are plenty of dogs working for their kibble. There are police dogs, therapy dogs, guard dogs, performing dogs, hunting dogs, hurding dogs, rescue dogs, seeing eye dogs and other service dogs. Gees I think they might need a union. To check out all of the employment opportunities for dogs click here.

Adopt a dog and reinvent yourself and the canine!

On a serious note, Quebec’s big moving day is coming up on July 1.  For readers outside this province, in Quebec the majority of leases expire on the same day prompting, according to statistics from 2004, approximately 120,000 households or 4% of the population to migrate  like a flock of geese on the exact same day! Crazy. Unfortunately, the mass move sparks another dubbious summertime ritual. In the months leading up to moving day, animal shelters are inundated with three times as many abandoned animals. The number of  dogs, cats dropped off jumps from 600 to 1600 per month.

At this time of year, dogs, cats and exotic animals are being abandoned in bulk. Some are even simply left behind in empty apartments. Surprise! Owners give many reasons for leaving their animals behind including no animal clauses in new leases and not wanting the pet to damage the new home. It is really sad that dogs and other animals are considered by so many as disposable, just another item waiting left at the curb for the dump truck.

If you are considering welcoming an animal into your home please adopt rather than buy a pet. There are plenty of adorable animals just waiting to sit on your lap. It is a surefire way to reinvent yourself and the pet too! It’s a double, double.

I will leave you with a few quotes about our four legged friends.

• From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.  ~Mabel Louise Robinson
• We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults.  Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.  ~George Eliot
• Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.  ~Roger Caras
• A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. ~Josh Billings
• If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. ~Alfred North Whitehead

QUESTION: WHAT VALUE DOES YOUR PET ADD TO YOUR LIFE?

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Negative people are like second hand-smoke

An article in Psychology Today says “negativity is like second-hand smoke. It not only permeates the room but has dire health consequences for those unfortunate enough to be in its path.”

Negative people are ‘Debbie Downers’, as my friend Pam describes them.  With their pessimism, anxiety and distrust, negative people dampen the mood of everyone around them. No fun.

Negative people have the uncanny ability to find fault with everything. If they go to a fancy restaurant they completely overlook the good food, great service, fantastic company and nice ambiance. Instead the gripe about the cost.   When you talk about your dreams and ambitions rather than being supportive, the negative person rhymes off all the reasons why your venture will fail.  Negative people also tend to distrust others. They have a litany of complaints about their neighbours, friends, relatives, you name it.

According to neuroscientists, negativity is linked to increased stress and unhappiness. Basically negativity breads more negativity. It’s a hard cycle to break.

So, what do you do if you have a negative Nelly in your life?  Well, according to the experts there isn’t much that will pierce their armour of doom and gloom. Dr.  Raj Raghunathan has a few suggestions but don’t expect a quick fix. The doctor suggests:

1. Be compassionate. Don’t bother lecturing negative people about their bad attitudes as they are adverse to critical feedback.  It just fuels their belief the world is against them. So, the best you can do is try to be compassionate.  Think about it, going through life only see the bad in everything can’t be much fun. And remember,  you only have to deal with the negative person for a short period of time. She has to live with herself. 

2. Be perseverant. Don’t let their gloomy outlook stand in your way. Despite their gloomy forecast go after your dreams, take calculated risks, trust in others. If their constant barrage of complaints gets you down, then limit the amount of time you spend with them.

3.  Be positive. If you want the negative person to turn their frown upside down,  then be a role model of positivity.  Point out all  the good in life.  Maybe, eventually, hopefully they will stop believing that ‘life is like a bowl of cherries, it’s full of pits.”

Studies show, people who say “YES” to life are the happier for it. That doesn’t mean they won’t falter or fail, but it does mean they will get up, dust themselves off and try again because they retain their optimism. So, don’t let the gloomy people get you down. Believe in yourself and your dreams and go for it!

QUESTION:  HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE?

Money and happiness go hand in glove

The television show Hoarders: Buried Alive focuses on extreme examples of consumerism.  Those on the show are drowning in stuff.  I watch in awe wondering how they could let it get so bad.  Yet, as I look around my house, I realize I’m not immune to my own obsessive compulsive spending. There is the ice cream maker I bought on a whim and used twice. The fancy coffee maker I was convinced would save me $4.50 a day on lattes. It is now in my cupboard collecting dust.   While tidying up a closet, I counted three pairs of beige pants. Who needs three pairs? I have at least half a dozen shoes I hardly ever wear because they hurt my feet.  Yet, at the time of purchase, I, for some reason, plunked down the cash.

I have been reading about the minimalism movement.  Advocates lead austere lives.  Two gurus, Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus have 2-milion readers a year on their blog  These guys have embraced a stark life. Imagine, four t-shirts in the bureau and five dress shirts (all white) in the closet.  Take a look. Joshua brags about owning only 288 items, which includes his toothbrush, sofa and food items. I, in comparison, have more than 288 items in my pantry, which begs the question why does a single woman have eight cans of four serving soup?  The minimalists movement is about being conscious about what you own, it’s about having only things you frequently use, and, ultimately, it’s about appreciating what you have because you have less stuff. Not a bad credo.

RESEARCH SAYS

Research indicates we often fritter away our disposable income buying stuff that doesn’t enhance our happiness. However, Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton, co-authors of the new book Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending found certain types of purchases can bring us joy.  In an interview with Richard Eisenberg, a contributor to Forbes magazine the researchers explained that the type of spending that makes us happier is a combination of using time and money to engage with somebody else.

An example, buying a gift for your grandchild can be great, but it’s even better if you combine that with the gift of time. If you’re going to get your 8-year-old nephew a Frisbee, go toss the Frisbee around in the park with him instead of just buying it and letting him play on his own.

My former assistant Terry Seguin knew this intuitively.  She has a posse of grandchildren and her role is ‘no gifts” for birthdays.  Instead, she invites each grandchild to spend the day with grandma and grandpa. The child creates the itinerary.  She has spent the day hopscotching from breakfast to mini putt to the movies to countless games of Go Fish. She once spent an entire day on a hobby farm with her grandson mucking out stalls, picking vegetables and riding a tractor.  This is brilliant.  What will these kids remember more the Scrabble board grandma bought or the magical moments with grandma shoveling cow dung?  (Smelly, but memorable).

The researches go on to say when buying experiences such as travel it is best to pay now, fly later because the ‘anticipatory excitement’ will enhance the experience. Plus, bonus, by the time the trip rolls around it will feel like it is free.

Dunn and Norton also say you can have too much of a good thing. If you love going to the spa don’t go so darn often. If you go weekly, it will simply be something you do and the pleasure will wan. They also say you’ll get more happiness spending your money on someone else rather than yourself. So, treat yourself and best friend to a spa day.

The spending-happiness formula is fairly simple.  Rather than mindlessly walking around the mall in search of yet another pair of beige pants, spend your money on experiences.  Love football then buy a ticket to the Alouettes instead of watching the game on tv. Savour your $4 lattes by buying one a week rather than one a day. Pay for your winter vacation in June, you’ll get added pleasure envisioning yourself lounging on the beach in mid-February anticipating the temperature back home will be -20.

You work hard for your money why not spending it on experiences that will make you happy.  Sure beats buying another  thingamagig that needs dusting.

P.S. my fancy coffee machine is for sale.  Any takers?

QUESTION:  HAVE YOU EVER HAD BUYERS REGRET?  WHAT DID YOU PURCHASE ONLY TO SOON AFTER STUFF IT IN A CLOSET?

WHAT DID YOU BUY THAT GAVE YOU LASTING, FOND MEMORIES?  

Happiness

We’d all love to buy a Big Gulp of happiness at the corner store or order two ounces of happiness on the rocks with a twist of lime at the bar. A can of happiness with added caffeine would turn Red Bull green with envy.  It would also give all those Molson products a run for their money.

As we all seek to boost our happiness, I worry that a lot of people equate being happy with a perpetual state of bliss and euphoria. I equate happiness with a state of contentment or Ahhh! Moments. Also, I believe being happy is as a temporary state. We can’t always be happy.  Life is full of ups and downs. Nonetheless, we can take action to increase the amount of happiness we experience daily (see tips below).

WHAT DOES HAPPY LOOK LIKE?

When I catch myself humming, I know I am in a full-fledged state of happiness.  Metaphorically, I am purring like a cat. When I catch myself happy, I am usually being creative. I am drawing, writing or doing pottery. During that time, I am intensely in the moment and not plagued by thoughts of past or future events. That, to me is happy.

YIKES! SURVEY SAYS I’M NOT THAT HAPPY : (

It’s official, I am not qualified to be a happiness coach. When I took the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire. I scored 3.05 on 5, which means I am slightly unhappy. Boy, I could really use a big swig of happiness right now. Good thing I’ve embarked on Reinvent Me!
Seven tips from experts on how to be happier.  Okay, admittedly this is from Cosmopolitan magazine, but before you guffaw, give it a read it makes sense.

1. You Need a Solid Core Group of Friends

Look at Carrie from Sex and the City. Through everything from Post-it Note breakups to snapped stilettos, she is generally one happy camper. Why? She had her posse. “Friendship is one of life’s main joys,” says David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. “Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment.”

2. You Gotta Have Adventures

Think back on your life, chances are you fondest memories aren’t about cleaning the house. “If everything you did in life was safe, you’d never have any exhilarating moments or crazy experiences to recall, both of which give you the sense that you’re truly living,” explains Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, author of Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.

3. It’s Time to Toss Excess Stuff

Money (and all the crap that you can buy with it) won’t bring you happiness. In fact, when wealthy Americans were surveyed, they reported being only marginally happier than the general public. “When you have limitless funds, you tend to be hellbent on accumulating more,” says New York clinical psychiatrist Janet Taylor. “In the process, you lose the ability to appreciate what you do own and have difficulty feeling fulfilled.”

4. A Balance of Busy and Dead Time Is Key

Always zipping around in spaz mode without a second to spare for even a pee break is bound to take a toll on your mood. But so is idling the day away on the couch. “Overextending yourself induces stress, yet it also makes you feel productive, like you’re contributing something, which is very important to happiness,” says Niven. “Similarly, inactivity breeds boredom, which inspires feelings of uselessness and discontent, but lulls are vital.” Essentially, all go-go-go will wipe you out, as will a solid diet of nada, but a mix of both? Bingo!

Okay, so how do you strike the perfect balance? Fill your days with stuff you love (your Tuesday-night step class) and stuff you have to do (balancing your checkbook). Just keep in mind that at the end of the day, you want to feel like “you’ve accomplished something but that you’ve also relaxed,” says Niven. 

5. It’s Crucial to Give in to Temptation

You log overtime at work, hit the gym religiously, stick to a low-fat, no-fun diet, and even remember birthdays. Or maybe you aren’t quite so type A. But you still get to work on time, kiss your boss’s ass when you’d rather kick it, and play nice to your folks. Face it, making it in this world takes some serious discipline, regardless of your personality profile. “The pressure to keep up is so exhausting that it would seem like the payoff for showing such restraint would be great,” says Seaward. “But if you don’t stop to savor something pleasurable, you’re going to wind up miserable.”

6. Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable

Since you’re human, you have no doubt had one of those “Omigod! I can’t believe I said that” moments, followed by a “Stupid, stupid, stupid” fist to the forehead. Like, say, the time you introduced your guy to Bob the CEO at the office barbecue, only Bob’s name is actually Bill. Then you spent the rest of the night harping on what an idiot you are. “We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook,” says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.”

The same holds true for those so-called physical imperfections that you let deflate you. You know, the slight crook in your nose that you swear makes you a prime candidate for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that are wrong with us, but the key to happiness is appreciating yourself despite them, adds Diener.

7. You Must Stop Mentally Browsing

We know you’ve been here: You’re sitting at a restaurant, menu in hand, when the deliberation begins: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? After angsting for 20 minutes, you go with the fish… and then sit there until the meal comes, wondering if you should’ve gone with the chicken. Okay, maybe this is a very mild version, but in life, we do this on a larger scale all the time. “We convince ourselves that there must be something better out there, but ‘mental browsing’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction,” says Schwartz. “You’re wasting time and energy on doubting a good move just because there was another option, or 10, that you didn’t choose. You’ll never be happy if you live like this.”

Read more: 7 Secrets to Happiness – Tips for Living a Happy Life – Cosmopolitan

QUESTIONS: WHAT DOES HAPPINESS LOOK LIKE TO YOU? (click on comments below)

How happy are you?

Take the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire to determine your level of happiness.

The Aptitude Test

When I was growing up relatives and family friends invariably asked, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” The first time I heard that question I was, let me see, eight years old.  I had the typical answer a teacher.  I liked Mme. Beauchamp, my grade one and grade two teacher.  As I grew a little wiser about salary scales, teacher fell of the list and I thought a about being a doctor or an orthodontist. Orthodontist made the list due to an acute crush on my own orthodontist.  (Now the thought of all of that saliva gives me the heebie jeebies).

In high school, I made the required visit to the guidance councillor to fill our a career aptitude test.  I sat at the computer, yes, we had computers back then – although they were admittedly relatively new — and filled out question after question after question.  Do you like to work alone or to work with a team? Do you like to work outdoors or indoors? Do you prefer performing repetitive tasks or performing a variety of tasks? The questions went on and on.

I remember waiting for the computer to crunch my answers and spit out the four, five, six, 12 jobs that were perfectly tailored for my personality and interests (and hopefully salary expectations).  You might remember those old line printers that took forever to churn out a document.  I sat there staring. Line by line it printed out what were to be my dream jobs.  I grabbed and ripped off the paper and read the diagnosis.

My list of penultimate list of careers was not as long. There weren’t 12 jobs to choose from, there was one.  Firefighter.  That’s it.  I was most suited to work as a firefighter.  It was a job that had never even crossed my mind before. And, well, that was a job for boys, men.  Yes, jobs were still pretty segregated in 1984.  In high school, the girls took home economics and learned how to make an omelet and the boys and a very few girls, took wood working and learned how to make a book shelf. I remember wishing I had had the guts to take wood working.

Anyway, back to being a firefighter. In retrospect, it likely was a pretty accurate assessment, but needless to say at age 16, I simple crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the recycle bin (did we have recycle bins, probably not).  So much for aptitude tests!

Now, fast forward 28 years, I am kinda in the same position as my 16 year old self. Hopefully, a little wiser and resourceful.  Hopefully able to figure out how to Reinvent Me.

I found this nifty, quick and free aptitude test on line. Just like in high school. http://headingforsuccess.com.  I completed the test and the following careers were suggested:

• Mapping Technologists and Technicians
• Customer Service or Information Clerks
• Roofers and Shinglers
• Visiting Homemakers, Housekeepers and Related Occupations
• Supervisors, Mining and Quarrying
• Stationary Engineers and Auxiliary Equipment Operators

Hmmm…okay, well, all I can say is this if food for thought.

QUESTION:  When you were a kid, what did you want to do when you grew up? What did your high school aptitude test suggest was the perfect career?  Are you working in that field today?  Are you happy with your choice? 

The Gift

On Thursday, April 4, 2013, I was given an unbelievable gift. I was laid off. Now, you are are saying being laid off iz a nightmare not a gift. Believe me in my case it is a gift, a big present wrapped in fancy paper and tied up with a huge frilly bow. Let me explain. I was working as a manager with the Quebec Civil Service. So, I received a gold plated severance package. It is extremely, extremely generous. I have up to three years, paid, to find a new job.  I will let you catch your breath.

No need to host a pity party for Lisa! Yes, you read right.  I will be paid for three years, pension, benefits, the works, while I look for a new job or while I retrain for a new job. You understand now why it is a gift.

The problem is my gift is still sitting on my kitchen table.  It is still all wrapped up with the fancy bow jutting from the top. I have yet to unwrap my gift.  I have this awesome. No, awesome isn’t awesome enough of a word, I have this colossal opportunity to reinvent myself. To find a job, no I do not like the word job. It connotes something we have to do to get a bi-weekly cheque. To find a vocation that ignites me. Thrills me.  Makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. It is time to Reinvent Me.

I invite you to tag along as I try to figure out Lisa 2.0.

QUESTION:  If you have lived through a similar experience please let me know what you did to figure out what you wanted to do with the rest of your life.